Nothing Left to Live For
by Brutal Let Down
Summary: The only thing Nick paid attention to was his breathing. A slow intake of breath and a slow exhale of air. It was almost enough to get his mind off of his all-consuming depression. Almost being the keyword. Nellis.


"Nick?"

The room was dark, and the only light came from the door that opened from Rochelle's arrival. Her voice was concerned, and worried.

It made Nick sick.

"Go away." He whispered. Rochelle couldn't have heard him if she tried. He was under a layer of thick blanket, and his head was buried underneath a pillow. He'd be asleep _if_ he could sleep. The truth was the bed was too cold. He hadn't been this cold in months.

Months…

"Nick, we made something to eat…" she informed him, figuring he wasn't asleep. She waited a few minutes longer, making sure he didn't make any requests or make any comment. Not like he ever did now a days. Her voice was just another noise that would soon leave again.

She sighed, sadly, and slowly closed the door, leaving Nick to his world of darkness and silence. Cold and emptiness. Numb and pain.

The only thing Nick paid attention to was his breathing. A slow intake of breath and a slow exhale of air. It was almost enough to get his mind off of his all-consuming depression. _Almost_ being the keyword.

He tried holding it back, tried biting his lip hard enough to snap himself out of it, but it was too much. It started with a pain in the back of his throat, dry and aching, then a sharp tug at his lips, then the feeling of saturation at his eyes. His whole body jerked as painful sobs soon overtook him, the only thing that he was used to now.

It was pathetic, how often Nick would sit in the next bed they found and just cry. He'd only ever cried in front of the other two one time. He'd be damned if he let them see it again.

He knew he'd have to get over it sooner or later. But the very thought of just _getting over it_… It sickened him worse than the actual tragedy.

How could he get over something like that? How could anyone!?

He'd spent this whole apocalypse, never once, separated. And then, in a matter of seconds, it was ripped away. Like what it took meant nothing at all to the world. But what it took _was_ his world.

"God…" Nick wept, half attempting to gauge his own eyes out. What else was there for him…? Was it always going to be this painful, and empty? Every day was a horrible, cruel reminder that he didn't have what he loved most anymore.

It wasn't worth living…

"Nick, God damn it, you cryin again?"

The lights were turned on, and Nick uncovered his face to scowl at Ellis, "Shut up!"

Ellis half chuckled and half sighed, taking his clothes off to get ready for bed. After dinner, he was dead beat tired.

"I already done said we can get you a new suit coat at the next men's store we come by." Ellis told him, for about the thousandth time.

Nick growled, "That coat was hand tailored. _Hand tailored!_" he practically yelled. "And I'm pretty fucking sure we're not going to come by a men's store in the God damn swamps!"

"Nick, Darlin', calm down. It's gonna be ok." He tried soothing the conman, now slipping underneath the blanket to join him. His tired, amused smile wasn't helping anything.

"You have no fucking idea how much that damn coat meant to me." Nick had come back down to a reasonable level, now wrapping his arms around Ellis for comfort.

Ellis _shushed_ him, laying one arm across his back and letting the other card through Nick's hair, "I'm gonna find that Charger and give'em a piece'a my mind." Ellis whispered, closing his eyes, leaning his forehead against Nick's.

"I'ma make him apologize for what he did to'yer coat." He yawned and then kissed Nick's forehead.

"I'm glad to see you're as upset about it as I am." Nick grumbled, biting at Ellis' ear. The mechanic giggled and kissed him lightly before nuzzling into his neck. "I'll let'chu wear my coveralls if you want." He suggested.

Nick chuckled sardonically, "That'll be the day."

Ellis brought his face back up to give Nick a lopsided grin, "I think you'd look _mighty fine_ in'ma jump suit."

Nick rolled his eyes. Ellis giggled again, and was soon fast asleep, lightly snoring. Nick felt at least a little bit better.

The others were right, though.

He could be a little dramatic when it came to his fashion.

**(BLD)**

This is what happens when I try and write a sad fic at 1 in the morning. I just can't do it…


End file.
